Hot Topic Krew Valuntine's Day Spectacular
by GeneralDarkPit
Summary: HTK V-Day Special! Love is in the air in the city to include the mall! Couples are everywhere, holding hands, cherishing their every moment to include everybody's favorite Goths Dark Pit and Lucas. The HTK causes havoc to couples while every year, Cia is TFW no boyfriend as she goes completely AWOL and sabotages the mall. Watch the craziness unfold in this holiday special.


**I'm here with a special HTK episode just for you guys! It's Valentine's Day and every couple is happy! But in reality, we should cherish the ones we love like we do on V-Day everyday rather than one day an year.**

**Also this isn't following the current canon HTK arc so some of the characters haven't even died and/or become members yet. I hope you guys all enjoy and please look forward to the President's Day special on Monday!**

**Hint: There will be a lot of Pit/Megaman in it.**

* * *

The Hot Topic Krew Valuntines Day Special

Today was a special day, the day of love, cuteness, red, pink, and most of all, couples making out everywhere. Men, women, species and many others out there were giving their lovers special attention on this fine day, treating them like royalty.

Boys bought their girlfriends overstuffed bears, boxes of chocolate and clichéd red roses because roses for some reason are the preferred flowers on Valuntines day.

Of course, there were also couples who had lovers who half assed their gifts, such example is Chrom and mother Ruben because Chrom was secretly cheating on his lovely, non-emo tactician wife with the beautiful, pink and lovely Amy Rose.

Then, there was one group, one who made fun of love and toyed around and messed with the couples for fun. They were gothic, edgy, hardcore and most of all, loved the best drink ever, Capri-sun. They were the hot topic krew, consisting of the five biggest dicks in the world and Lucas, because Lucas has always been somewhat of an asshole but not on their level.

There was Dark Pit the leader, boyfriend and lover to Lucas the general.

There was Lucas the general, boyfriend and beautiful, gorgeous scrumptious lover to Pittoo.

Then there was Wolf, a wolf who does whatever canines do because he can do his own thing because he's a dog.

Then there was OW, THE EDGE otherwise known as Shadow the hedgehog. At first, he used to celebrate Valuntines day all emo because he missed Maria so much but then started messing with couples for fun. Now he's all edgy and hardcore and got over it.

Then there was Mewtwo, he hated everybody and was out to take lives.

And finally there was... who is she again, oh, there's that chick... who is extremely bitter on Valuntines day. Oh, Cia, that's her name! Out of all people, she despised Valuntines day the most just like how the Grunch hated Kristmas. Every year, she was forever alone as she was tfw no boyfriend.

But unlike other girls who find different love interests, she was only attracted to one boy known as Link (who we didn't know was an Animorph at the time). Apparently all the Lancia women were born to love Link however never obtained him, not even once.

This year, she was more bitter than ever seeing how her parents were acting all lovey dovey and her stupid weeaboo sister Dee Dee I mean Lana had a boyfriend(since this is before Chaptar 7). Meanwhile she was sulking, blasting the emoest of emo music as she stuffed her fat face with chocolates because, what else was there.

Dark Pit and Lucas were at the mall, holding hands as they were enjoying this day as they made out in front of people, disgusting them. Shows those republicans and conservatives right because they're gross people with gross ungothic opinions that are more harmful than good. I will miss you Obama when you go but anyways, back to our lovely little tale.

There were couples everywhere, PREPPY couples such as Mario and Princess Peach, Marth and Shulk because back then the memes didn't exist and Fiora didn't go what the heckie Shulk, Link and Zelda, Chrom and Amy Rose, Donkey Kong the business man and his girlfriend Candy Kong, and worst of all, WORST OF ALL, WROSR OF LAL, PIT AND LANA!

Dark Pit hated that weeaboo bitch and so did Lucas because she was goddamn annoying and nobody liked her anyways. Not even her sister likes her and that's something.

"Did you hear Lucas?" said Dark Pit, grinning all dark and hardcore.

"Yes my edgily edgiest boyfriend?" replied the short blonde Nial look alike.

"i heard at the mall later, they're going to hold some shitty ball for the preps. we go there and stink bomb the entire place and lock the doors. Watch them scream as they suffer to the smell of the worst thing ever," rambled the dark anlge, wearing a dark graduation gown from Yale because Dark Pit is actually an genius.

"That sounds perfect! It'll make our Valuntines day even more special! Hearing those screams and cries, I love it!" said Lucas, chuckling evilly while making an evil Charlie Brown like face.

Both of them began laughing like maniacs as they took out Capri-suns, Jack Daniels flavor and began taking sips.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAT'S ILLLEGAL!"

Pit rushed over in his pink, fuzzy sweater and pushed dork Pit, causing the Capri-sun to fly out of his hands, landing into the store called Mervyns as it exploded, killing everyone inside. That's the story of how Mervyns went out of business.

Realizing what he had just done, Pit scratched the back of his head, chuckling nervously.

"Oops."

"What the fuck you tit sucking piece of shit, I was drinking that," retorted Dark Pit.

"No Pittoo I told you two months ago, or rather a month and a half ago that Capri-sun is illegal and what do you do?! DRINK CAPRI-SUN BEHIND MY BACK!" barked Pit. He was the older one anyways and always watched over little Pittoo even though Pittoo is a little shit.

"Who the fuck cares," replied Dark Pit.

"It's just a drink Pit. It's a drink for kids, we're kids not like terrorists," said Lucas, which is ironic seeing the shit the hot topic krew do later on.

"Well, he's not allowed to drink Capri-sun. Lady Palutena said so," said Pit.

Soon, the most ear grating voice in the world came, one that causing Dark Pits and Lucas' ears to bleed and even wanting to rip out their own clothes.

"KONNICHIWA PIT-KUN! ASHITERU!"

"Oh god... it's here," said Lucas.

"Fucking hell, " said Dark Pit.

Lana showed up, wearing dog ears, a dog tail, a pink dress made out of satin and polyester that is from Milanoo, white socks, some bows in her hair, her hair clip from the game, some cute red shoes and of course, an Hatsune Miku purse bag thing.

She embraced her boyfriend, kissing him as she was the one who made him his sweater. Dark Pit and Lucas gagged.

"EW OTHER PEOPLES LOVE!" they both said at once.

Lana frowned, noticing unkawaii emos where here. She stuck out her tongue, before giving puppy eyes to Pit.

"Pit-kun, your unkawaii emo nii-san is being mean to me. They're both bakas!" she said.

"Do you even know what half of those words even mean?!" questioned Lucas, as he had taken Japanese classes a long time ago but he was the only kid who wasn't a weeb in the class.

"I do! I'm an otaku! You're just jealous cause I'm more kawaii and sugoi than you are! And if you bully me I'm gonna tell my mommy about you and then she'll call your mommies and they will kick your butts," whined the blue haired weeb.

"You've got to be fuckin kidding right? How old are you anyways, like sixteen? Fifteen," guessed Dark Pit.

"Not telling you," said Lana.

Pit kissed his girlfriend as he gave an look to Dark Pit.

"Stop being so rude Pittoo. She didn't do anything to you and you're already picking fights. this is why we stopped going to Disneyland or rather, got banned from all Disney theme parks to include Knotts Berry Farm," said Pit, frowning.

"Who the fuck cares, seriously why do you people care about such stupid shit. Get out of my face and make out somewhere else," said the dark angel, giving them both the gothic middle finger.

Lucas joined in as Lana shielded her eyes while Pit rolled his.

"Let's go Lana, they're being rude again."

With those words, Pit and his anime obsessed girlfriend left. Soon, the other krew members joined him as they ruined the tunnel of love, turning the water into nickelodeon slime.

"Sup," said Lucas.

"Nothing much. just fuckin with people, you?" replied Shadow.

"Doing the same thing," said Dark Pit.

Mewtwo just seemed to be making people fly in random directions and into the sun. rip, nameless Miis, your love will forever be missed. Then everyone in the mall froze as a certain someone stepped inside.

"Oh no..." said ness as he ran away.

"She's here," said toad.

It was none other than Cia as people knew to stay the hell away from her on this day. She was angry, sad, salty and well, angry. She pushed random couples hard as she hated other peoples love! If she could, she would steal Valuntines day away but since this isn't Zelda and its Smash Brothers were not going to get to see that.

"Wow, look it's an elephant," said Mewtwo, who is an asshole Pokémon. "She's creating eart-!"

Before he could finish, she punched him so hard in the jaw, he flew into space for the first time. Dark Pit and the others flinched a little.

"Cia, are you o-okay?" asked Wolf, being his actual self and not embracing his wild side.

The white haired big boobed tan woman growled in response, before running off. She went on a rampage, sabotaging the mall of all of its love.

* * *

Chrom and Amy Rose were at Johnny Rockets, sharing a milkshake of love as they were about to kiss until Cia stormed in, grabbing Amy Rose and throwing her out of the glass window as it broke.

"Hey! That was my girlfriend I mean secret lover!" yelled Chrom.

Cia growled at him, almost giving him a familiar look as he didn't think of just some angry woman who hated other peoples love but rather an familiar dragon, Grima.

Before he could even act, she ran off to destroy more things.

Zelda was holding Links hand, leaning on his shoulder as she looked elegant and lovely today. When she heard a certain someone's cries of anger, she made a face.

"Oh brother. The fatass is loose again."

"The Groose is loose?" asked Link, being confused.

"No silly, your stalker! Remember last Valentine's day where she was making out with an life sized chocolate bar that looked like you before she ate it all?" replied Zelda, bringing up last year's Valentine's day.

"Oh yeah... that was well, something. I do feel sorry for her to be honest though, I mean, it must be hard not finding someone then getting jealous at all of these couples," said Link.

"True, but... she's still rude as hell. I mean, SHE STARTED A WAR OVER SOMETHING STUPID!"

"True..."

The Hylian couple walked as Cia turned into Taz the Tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes. She was a ferocious killing machine as she destroyed more love before turning back into herself. The mall was deserted almost as everyone went to the ball as all stores were left vacant. She went to the candy store and cried, eating everything in sight to soothe her loneliness.

Out of nowhere, a man in a white suit came as he was old and had white hair, a white beard, wore glasses and looked elegant as fuck.

"... What's wrong honey?" he asked in his Kentucky accent.

Turning around, she saw it was none other than her grandfather Colonel Sanders, the guy who owns KFC. Tears welled up in her eyes as she started crying about Valuntines day as she is forever alone and how nobody wants her and how she's an loser.

"That's not true hun," said her grandfather KFC. "You just haven't found the one yet. Let me tell you what, how about you get cleaned up and I'll take you out to a five start restaurant away from this hellhole. Just you and me okay?"

She hiccupped a bit, wiping her tears as she had chocolate all over her mouth. "Okay grandpa."

Soon they left as their arc is over. Now Cia can go back to being put to rest. RIP in peace princess, I'll always love you.

* * *

As the ball started to go on, Dark Pit and Lucas snickered, planting their stink bombs that smelt of rotten fish sticks, dirty laundry, gym sweat and Davey jones locker inside the room. Afterwards, the two ran out with the denator in hand.

"Ready to push the button?" said Lucas.

"Ready when you are love," said Dark Pit. He pressed the button as Shadow and Wolf sealed up all of the exits. The stink bombs went off as everyone started screaming trying to escape. The only one content with the smell was Chrom.

"Mmmm, it smells very... Chrom like," said the Ylissean king.

Everyone else was gagging as they passed out. Lucas and Dark Pit began dancing to My Chemical Romance as they kissed each other.

"Happy Valuntines day Lucas," said Dark Pit.

"Happy Valuntines day to you too Dark Pit," Lucas replied. Then they both kissed. Aww, it was so romantic everyone in the audience cried.

Meanwhile on the news, they were talking about the destruction of almost every mall store ever. Someone was watching it, playing "All By Myself" as their eyes were glued onto the TV.

When they showed the picture of the prime rib suspect, Robin's eyes widened as he is Robin the Emo because this is before chaptar 3.

"Is that... who I think it is?!"

Moving closer, he noticed it was.

"So she's back... holy shit though she's gotten quite big the last time I even remember seeing her. Not that I don't mind though. It just means more to love!"

Robin grinned, wanting revenge and Cia's love whenever she liked it or not. After all, his room was full of her pictures.

Back at the mall, Lucas and Dark Pit where outside making out until Lady Palutena came in angry.

"PITTOO! YOURE GROUNDED!"

Ike showed up as well.

"LUCAS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BE AROUND THAT DARK ANGLE!"

"YOURE GROUNDED!" SAID BOTH PARENTS AT ONCE!

With that, they dragged their little Goths by the ear and took them home and gave them la shoe.

The End

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**That's it. Hope you enjoyed a wacky Hot Topic Krew love special. Please note though, I'll probably be explaining my influence for why Pit is with Lana. A long time ago before I even started writing HTK, I stumbled across an fic on AO3 that paired them up together. It was subtle, sweet and really adorable so I suggest reading it if you want to read the pairing written in an more, serious matter than just nonsensical fashion that is the HTK.**

**Anyways, I'm off and have a nice rest of the night!**  
**See you on Monday!**


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